How quickly this once need has become a want even a killer. Prescription drugs destroy the greatest of people & families. It is the number one drug killing our youth right now. Why you may ask because they pop some pills from mom & dad's medicine cabnet with some alchohol & boy what a high. The problem they have no idea what that medicine was for. It is scary. It is the easiest drug to get your hands on. The most justifiable because hey it's from the doctor & it is also an addiction that thousands of housewives are struggling with. If you are LDS it is also easy to justify with the Word of Wisdom because you start taking them for health reasons & it goes from there. Even over the counter drugs are addicting.
I ran into a dear friend the other day & asked how she was doing & she told me her story of the mess they were in right now with her father-in-law who is suffering from this very addiction & all the money he has lost to it. I cried & hugged her & told her my story & I want to share it with you.
First of all we all have closets & we all hiding things in our closets that we think are the worst & ugliest ever but at some point they need to come out either to be thrown away or to be let go of or in my case to hopefully help others.
I know that many will look at me differently & I can accept that because I know where I stand with my Savior & how he looks at me is all I care about.
Five years ago this April we were adopting a baby boy. I was at every doctors appoinment, the ultrasound, in the delivery room, cut the umbilacle cord, gave him his first bath, & spent his first night with him. Then the next day his mother changed her mind. I was numb. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. How could the Lord take away this righteous desire from me. I couldn't have anymore children & I yearned for a baby yet she was out getting pregnant by different men (last count she has 4 with 4 different dad's. still not bitter). I was angry at her & the Lord & everyone around me. In June I had a suicide attempt & spent 2 weeks at LDS. They had me so drugged that I don't remember being there. They sent me home with A LOT of meds. Two days later I went in for surgery & the doctor messed up. So in 7 days my stomache had eaten it's self open. I went back in for emergency surgery & spent a week in the hospital so dopped up I didn't know what day it was or what was going on. Then for 3 months I had my stomache cut from hip to hip with a vacuum in it to drain all the infection. Everyday I went to a wound doctor & he gave me meds, the surgeon I saw 3 times a week & he would load me up with med, & my doctor I saw 1 time a week & he gave me meds. Of course I didn't say anything to any of the doctors because I loved the feeling of the medication & not the fact that it took away my physical pain away but my emotional. So I just kept taking it. I OD & woke up in my bed with the police & EMT's at my bedside. I took my kids all shopping at Dick's and took pills half way through & by the time we got to the car I went unconcinous & was for 17 hours. I totaled 2 cars when I was high. Once when I was dropping McKay off at school & I passed out & my foot slammed on the gas & a tree stopped us before we went over a bridge into a gully. I was out for 15 hours. Another time I had both boys in the car thankfully nobody was injured. I went to a school carnival so gone that someone went & found Nate & asked him to please take me home. There are 2 1/2 years of my children's life that I only remember bits & pieces of. I can never have that time back. I watch home movies & I cry as I watch myself at Christmas' high or out of it & think what a shamful disgrace. When my brother died I hit a year of hell. I don't know how Nate stayed. Then Nate found this doctor who was our angel. He was mean & I would cry just driving there but he turned my life around to where I am a wife, a mother who is a part of everything my kids do & I love life & I still have a lot of emotional pain but pills aren't going to take it away. This Dr Sean Ponce truly saved my life. I will forever love him. So I feel that the hard lessons I've learned on my path are for sharing & hopefully helping just one person down their path. I hate that I am an addict because once an addict always one but I have been sober for 2 years. But I am greatful that I know what other addicts are going through. Once you start you are a slave to what ever it is, whether it be drugs, smoking, pronography, eating, shopping, or even gossiping. We all have our addictions. You may think it isn't as bad as someone who drinks beer but if you cannot put down that diet coke think about that. My message started as please don't leave medicine lying around your house. Even those in grade school are starting it. And DON"T ever think it won't be your kids. One other great piece of advice I was given while getting sober is we are all about substance in this day & age. "We say to our kids I need a Diet Coke I have a headache. We need to stop refering to substances & material things to fix our headaches or our upsets." That has been one of my most profound lessons so I share that with you.
After this ever so crazy weekend I have to thank Nate for his encouragement, support, patience, love, & most of all encouraging me to follow my dreams. 
