my siblings....

Brandon & Griffin a few shorts months before Brandon passed away.

six of us @ Devin's wedding in Dallas, TX

all us girls with mom

the family together on the 1 year anniversarey of Brandon's passing.

I am so grateful for my siblings. This Christmas was very quiet with nobody being here except my older sister & her family. It is hard to have life change & us living in different states but it's nice to know that we all value our family traditions & hold on to the great memories. I'm grateful for the example they have each been in my life....I love you Brandon, Carly, Sara, Krista, Devin, & Griffin! My life is so blessed from what each of you have been to me. Siblings are the greatest!

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas! We are so grateful for our Savior & His life. We pray that you will all remember the reason we celebrate today.
Love the Smith Family.

Eliza after auditioning for Den Brother (a new Disney Channel Movie)

Eliza was auditioning for the part of a 16 year old. She had a lot of fun & it was a great experience for her!

(notice her Hippie Band by Leza, that's her & mine's new business)

football season is almost over

As the boys get ready to play in their last games of the season this Saturday we all feel a little bit of relief that it is finally coming to a close. It has been a long season & even with all the wins & playing in the playoffs & now the championship games, it has not been what we expected football to be. McKay has enjoyed it because he hasn't had to work hard. They are expected to be lazy by their head coach. (SO FRUSTRATING!). Taylor (Smitty as they call him) has started to loose the love he has for football & wont playfor this coach again because he said that he is still playing for Norte Dame & he isn't letting this coach stand in his way. His coach told Taylor one day he was gonna buy him a pink dress & a tutu so he can dance on the field since that's all he knows how to do is dance. So over the next 2 games Taylor had 18 unasstited tackles & 2 sacks. One someone brought up the comment the coach had made he said that's how he gets Smitty to perform. I am just thankful that our boys have told us that they are unhappy with how things have been. Both McKay & Taylor have grown a great amount this football season.....to bad it has had nothing to to with football.

Taylor's latest headshot.....

Eliza's latest headshot

It's Football Season....yeah baby!

Oh the smell of the sweat & the joy of being together as a family watching Taylor & McKay play the game they love. This is truly our favorite time of year. Yes our life consists of practices almost every night of the week & every Saturday we spend at the football fields but the time together as a family & the memories our boys are making learning a sport they love, how to be better people, & developing life long friendships are so worth the hours.

I never thought I would say that give me my family & put me at one of my boys games & I'm good to go. It brings me great joy to watch them having so much fun. Now maybe this year they will even win a few games!

(no injuries so far. see if I feel the same then)

Do you Facebook?

Do you Facebook? I do & I love it. I love being in touch with friends from my childhood, teenage years & now. It is like doing your family history in a split second. It is a great networking tool & you run into friends that you haven't seen in ages & you are all caught up on what is going on in each others lives. I'm telling you it is such a great tool to have.

There is a down fall to Facebook though. It is very addicting & sometimes you start forgeting to even have real conversations with people any more.

So there is my spin on Facebook in a nutshell. I love it & got have it!

A 10 year old in mourning.....

It has been a week since Taylor was sitting in his acting class & his acting coach, David H. Stevens, said: "Michael Jackson died today." We hadn't heard the news & I happened to be walking past the class & heard the news just like Taylor. I was shocked but I was most concerened about my 10 year old son who over the past 14 months has grown to love the skills of an amazing artist. I saw his face & saw the tears coming. He needed a moment to gather his thoughts. That night when we got home he had a good cry & has a few more since. He has literally watched his DVDs & listened to all his CDs 24/7 since last Thursday. He has watched all the specials on TV & is truly mourning the loss of an artist he aspired to be like (not as a person but as talented). Yesterday he had a voice lesson & he has been working on the song "Heal the World" by Michael Jackson. On the car ride home we always listen to their lessons (they are recording on CD to practice) & his was very somber. It made me think that I grew up listening to Michael Jackson & never stop to think "oh yeah he is quite talented or wow I really like him" but here my son is hurting for the loss of an artist. It has also helped me learn to see the good in people. Taylor can find all the good qualities in Michael Jackson even after the world has made him such a freak show. I pray the Michael Jackson will have peace but most importantly that Taylor will feel joy in his talent knowing that are great songs out there because of Michael Jackson.

Random.......

We have very busy with life lately. Here are a few random pictures of the kids.

Wilhelmina Review

Come to the Wilhelmina Review on Saturday, June 20th from 10-noon. There will be top agents from LA & NYC there to see new talent for modeling & acting. It is for ages 6 & up.

McKay the runner

McKay has taken up track & loves it. Last night he had his first track meet. He only ran the 100m because of lightening & rain but he took 1st place in that event. He has enjoyed having something to do that is active & what makes it more fun is he gets to do it with his buddies!

McKay warming up

McKay & his friends before their meet @ Murray High

Taylor being the supportive brother cheering on McKay thru sunshine & rain!

Vocal Recital

Eliza, Ali Kaelin (their amazing vocal coach), & Taylor

Taylor singing "Secret Smile" by Rascal Flats


Eliza singing "Soulmate" by Natasha Beddingfield

Eliza & Taylor did an awesome job on their spring recital!

Thanks Ali for all your hard work!

1st day at Cherry Hill

Eliza, Taylor, & McKay being silly at Cherry Hill. You know summer is here when it's Cherry Hill time!

My in-laws gave us a GREAT! gift for Christmas this year, season passes to Cherry Hill, our favorite water place to be. It's low key & ever so family friendly. The kids & I were able to spend some time there today. Nate had to work. If you look closely in the pictures you can see how empty the park was. There were maybe 100 people there. It was wonderful. I ran into a friend from North Carolina who I haven't seen in 10 years. The kids are all very sunburned because they have a very neglegtful mother but at least we enjoyed it!!!!!!!!

Taylor, Eliza, & McKay

McKay & I

Taylor & I

Eliza & I (is it just me or does she look really grown up in this picture?)

School is almost out shout horray!!!!!!!!!!

Taylor & McKay playing trampoline baseball at Grandma Coco's at the "Holy Land"

I am one that hates having kids in school. Not because of not wanting to be seperated from them or never liking their teachers that is completely the opposite of why. It is because I love to let my kids sleep in & for us to do things together as a family on our time frame & because I love the summer fun in the sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah I am so excited for Cherry Hill, 8 hour days of watching my boys sweat to death in full gear at the Utah Ute's Football camp, McKay run track from next week thru the end of July 3 days a week, Eliza, Taylor, & McKay go to Basketball camps, & the best thing is our Cherry Hill passes were a fabulous gift. All the camps & events the kids have had to pay at least half some full & work hard at it. So not only are they working hard but they will play hard too & that is what I call a fun summer.

But what I dread most is in what will seem like just a few hours I will be sitting at this computer writting about what a great summer we had. Why does all that work & play go by so fast? We will love it while we can. Nate & I find such joy in watching our children grow & develop into the people they want to be & we love to support them at exactly that. So this summer will be a great one for the 2 of us.

Bring on the summer fun in the sun!

That didn't sound like it went to well!

These are my 3 BEAUTIFUL children! I may be bais but I believe & my husband would say the same that they are the best kids on earth. Not only that but they are the most talented in all that they do but they do work HARD at their dreams & talents.

Last night Eliza was helping Nate & I fix dinner & asked me a question in a very manner as to say you already did it. I answered back defensively & then Taylor got into it then went to his room mad so I went into talk to him then Eliza was yelling & upset so Nate was talking to her & my sweet McKay was singing silly songs in the background to try & get someone to start laughing.

After I worked things out with Taylor & Nate couldn't get anywhere with our pre-teen hormonal daughter she went to her room & slammed the door. Taylor had begun singing with McKay & they were both laughing more than singing & Nate & I were ready to yell SHUT-UP but never would use that kind of launge in our home so we both kept it to ourselves. I went in to Eliza's room to "talk" to her but pretty much like I always do I ordered her to do this & that & walked out & sat at the table to have the prayer. Nate said well that didn't sound like it went to well.

That's kind of been my theme as a mom: "That didn't sound like it went to well!"

Life as a mom has been much harder for me than I ever thought it would be. I lived with a family as a nanny for a year & a half before Nate & I got married & so I thought I had motherhood down great. I had grown up with a great mom & felt I had been well trained by this mother of the family that I nannied for. Things went well for periods of time & then I hated it & then they would go well. Doesn't sound like it was going so well.

Right after Eliza turned 7 I was addmitted to LDS for a suicide attempt & remained in the hospital for 2 weeks. I didn't see my kids for the whole time. It was very difficult. But it was a good timeout for me. What wasn't good was the diagnose that came with it: BIPOLAR! I knew life finally made sense to me for how I was feeling since I was about 12 but I knew this road was going to be long & rocky & at times closely resemble Hell. All I could think about was this doesn't sound good for a mother or for my children or my husband. But we slowly started preparing to tell our kids. "It didn't sound like it went too well." was my though after telling them. McKay as young as he was at 4 didn't want anyone to know. But while being in the hospital I had made the choice that if I had to walk this trail I would not walk it silently. I would walk it with a voice to teach others. That burned me for along time but I don't care. I am just sorry that others had to judge.

Nate had the pleasure of telling his family & it also didn't sound like it went too well. 5 years later & I am still just a BiPolar freak even with the education he tried doing. I understand why McKay in his wise 4 years pleaded not to tell anyone.

It is through the sounds of my children's footsteps that all sounds well in my heart. As a mother it has been a very guilty feeling knowing that I am trying these spirits that doesn't seem fair. I wonder how much I am screwing up their lives each day . When I thought I was so prepared to be this outstanding mother & yet I was tackeled by a running back who seemed to come from another field. It's as if my children can do up downs all day & hit the pads as hard as they can. They can run the hill 50 times a day & no matter what they will never be prepared for that running back to come out of nowhere. We have days that no matter what even though I'm on my meds & doing all I can here I come that running back & score when my kids aren't expecting. But my touchdown is a "episode" that can be 6 days or 6 weeks. And there is no victory dance. And when my kids get home from the game everyone says "It didn't sound like it went too well." And their right it didn't. That's what it is like living with a mom who has BiPolar.

God speed to a diease that at this time has no cure. To all those mothers struggling & all the children struggling with mothers. Keep praying & do all you can to make it better.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid............

When we got a phone call from Taylor's agent saying that he was going to be auditioning for the role of Greg Heffley from the series "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" we thought oh that's cool. Little did we know what we were getting into. Besides the fact that he was 1 of 6000+ boys beeing screened for this part for this Fox feature film we had opened a page to something we instantly fell in love with.

Realizing Taylor should familiarize himself with the character & the story we went & purchased the 1st book. He read it in 2 days. His audition (the 1st one he felt bad about but the 2nd one he felt like it was the best day of his life. We still don't know & we may never hear, we just know he made it in the top 5 that will go to the director so we were proud) Nate read it next in a few hours & then McKay. When McKay started you might as well have thought of him as a stone figure. He read until we forced him to bed.





We went & got the 2nd & 3rd for McKay because he HATES to read & we just had never seen anything like this with him before. As soon as we got in the car he began & stayed up until well past midnight reading. The next day the kids were going to my parents to spend the day & have a sleepover. My mom said all he would do was read. He finished that day & has moved onto book 3 & is almost done. I am not sure what we will do waiting for Book 4 to come out.

We made Taylor wait until McKay finished 2 to start reading it so he is thrilled to have the next one to read now. My advice would be to get the books. They are so funny. Nate dies when he reads it. They are a book every age level can enjoy & it is easy reading also. Now go read it today!!!!!!!!!!!

And the award for "Mother of the Year" goes to....."

I have been so far from the mother of the year that I know that I do not need to worry about opening the local newspaper this Mother's Day to be surprised by a special submission from one of my children that they have taken hours upon hours writing all the loving and unselfish things that I do daily as a mother nor do I expect a call from the Oprah show asking me to come a make a special apperance for Mother's Day & share with the rest of the world my secret to being the "World's Greatest Mother". And you may be asking yourself why I am so sure that I know this year will not be my year, well because to give you one minor example tonight when Eliza & Taylor came home from acting they were in her room being silly & she being a hormonal girl decided that she no longer wanted her brother in her room so after asking several times for him to leave, she grabbed him & threw him out & then proceeded to kick him several times. Well she seems to think that since the rule of thumb is that a boy must never physically touch a girl she can get away with this over & over so tonight I decided to try & teach some new discipline skills in our own home. I told Taylor to hit her & make it hurt as bad as it did for him. The fear in her face was almost pricless & she turned into an instant drama queen full flooding tears & all. Taylor being the gentleman he is decided against hurting his sister but I think it was enough to make her think before she attacks one of her brothers again. So this year I will humbly stand to the side as the true Mother receives her award. After all, I'm sure the "Mother of Year Award" doesn't constantly speak to her child at 100 decibals & that's when she's in a good mood.